Time.
There is a saying that time heals all wounds.
I guess that depends on who you ask, and, on the wound. (Ill spare you some graphic examples)
I could end this writing here but I guess I should explain the picture of the pizza. Oh, that crescent shaped piece of plastic on the side of it is a pizza cutter. Forgive me “mansplaining” that to you but I only do so because about 6 or 7 years ago, my wife came home and excitedly showed me her latest purchase. “Robert, look, its a pizza cutter!” Me, also having been 10 years older than her had no idea what the heck it was, but after having used the standard metal round cutting wheel with a handle all my life, I simply replied, “Oh boy.” That day it was just another thing we now owned that we probably didn’t need. Between her and I were were good at making sure if it even looked like we could use it we should give it a try. We would watch episodes of Shark Tank™ and often purchase one of the items off of Amazon™ before the show ended. Anyway, she washed it and placed it in its home with its other foster siblings, bringing the headcount of pizza cutters in our home up to 3.
If you’re going through or have gone through grief, I’d bet that you’ve replayed moments like that back in your mind and wished you could relive them, perhaps embrace the moment more. I recalled how my wife loved birds, especially parakeets. She had one as a kid and wanted to always get another. If we were at a zoo or aquarium that had bird exhibits she had to see them, whereas I couldn’t have been more bored and wanted to get out of there quicker.
Time.
Friday nights are movie/pizza night. My wife and daughter would make pizza together every Friday. We still honor this but now I’m usually the one making it all as my daughters older now and often is “far too busy” to assist the kitchen staff with her meal prep 😆. Well last Friday was different and she asked to help so I let her. When it came time to cut the pizza, the fancy new age cutter brought me back in time for a flash, and I smiled and got watery eyed at the same time. It was truly a tie and neither side was willing to let the other win, so instead, I quickly started loading the dishwasher to distract my brain. On a similar note, I was browsing some photos on my computer from the years and I found a series of like 30 pics my wife had taken. I hadn’t seen these till after she passed and I was backing up all her stuff from her phone. As I was going thru her pics I had found about 30 pics of different birds all flying around at what I believe is Colt Park. I think I recall my wife telling me about this at the time but I’m sure I was very busy dealing with something so important and urgent that I couldn’t be bothered by frivolous chatter.
Time.
Time really is a series of moments all connected together, isn’t it? I cant say it healed all my wounds, but that’s because I think ill always be healing to some degree. A few years ago I had my gall bladder removed. I have to search but I can still see a tiny scar and even though im probably imagining it, sometimes I feel a pinch from it.
My wife showing me the cutter she just bought, having to walk thru another bird exhibit, using that same cutter 6 years later, revisiting pictures of birds my wife took….all those are moments … connected in time. Unfortunately for me, they arent right next to each other on my timeline and are seperated by years and years. The reaction that she was hoping to get from me during those initial moments would come, but she isnt here to witness them.
I dont write this for sympathy or to make you feel bad, though I understand that this writing might cause one to reflect and in turn bring up emotion. I share this view of mine because if there is one truth that seems to carry from person to person when grieving is time CHANGES things. We can argue does it get easier, do you get stronger, do you become numb, do you learn to deal with the pain, do you get better at controlling emotions….. however you reconcile it, in time, the role grief plays in your life will change. That change may not be identical for any two people. After having my gall bladder out I was left w 3 tiny tiny scars. All 3 look slightly different. Neither healed the exact same way, but all recovered and are doing well today, praise God.
I do not know who is reading this right now… if you are grieving or where you are at in your healing. I am not the world’s most expert on grief and do not hold any training on the matter. I can only speak of my own personal opinion which is based off of my own experience, but I can honestly tell you that for me, healing took time. I began writing about my path on Facebook, and then created the blog here so feel free to check that out if you want more of my backstory. That’s it. There was no fast forwarding it. No book that made it all go away. No 1 stop shop that healed me. Just time. I think once I came to accept that things were now the way they were I was finally able to stop creating this finish line in my head that always seemed to get moved further away the next time I had a crying spell or spent a day feeling more depressed then I felt in weeks. In time, things just change. Whether we get stronger and that’s what starts to help us stay on our feet or whether it’s that we “get numb” to it or distract ourselves more, it ALL doesn’t just happen in a set amount of days. Mechanics will tell you your car might be done by 4 but they can’t promise you. The dentist may say you should not feel any pain in about 2 days but I have had times where its lasted for a week. Even experts in their field can not tell you how long it takes to repair or heal things they work with multiple times a day, hundreds of times a year. So be PATIENT. Patient with those around you of course, but also with YOURSELF.