I was talking to my boss this week who recently just stepped down from his role. Over the years I worked with him I would always feel bad for him because he put his job before his family. Money, authority, power, all of that came before his family. He told me that when he let his daughter know he had stepped down last week she said, well dad that’s great but I am 19 years old and often college now. You haven’t been in my life since I was 12. When my dad died , he had been cutting the grass for a family cookout we were having. I was at work. I planned on going over after my shift. I knew the work that had to be done there but I had a job to do at my store. Maybe had I have cut out of work a few hours earlier things could have been different? Of course no one knows but I did tell myself after that work would never take precedent over my family. Along came Kim, then Ava. I never sacrificed time with them for my job. I could have pushed more and advanced, Made more money, But today I would be having a worse time knowing I lost out on so many opportunities.

When you look through my photos on Facebook, remember these are a fraction of what we actually have. We made the most of every minute we could together. Kim would feel guilty that I never took time to ride my motorcycle and she would try to get me to go for a ride while she took Ava to the beach. My answer, I just followed them on my motorcycle to the beach this way I get to spend time with them and got riding time . I always preferred spending time with them over anything else. In all honesty, That fact and having Ava are the 2 things that keep me going. I have no regrets when I look back at how we function as family. I was raised in a good home with good family so it wasn’t a hard thing to do.

So why am I posting this?

Kim taught me many valuable lessons of how to be a better man, A good husband, And a good father.

A better man: I had major anxieties about many things like flying and amusement park rides. When I met Kim I wouldn’t even go on a tilt a whirl. Her bravery to tackle anything made me feel like I was missing out on life. I’ll never forget the 1st time we went to the big E fare and we didn’t go on any rides because I was afraid. I decided to see a hypnotist and conquered that fear. I continue to try to overcome things that I outside my comfort zone. She always impressed me with her educational achievements so I signed up to go back to college and got my associates degree while we live together. She supported me emotionally through that process and forced me to go to the graduation and receive my degree. She sat out in the audience and took pictures of me and did not stop smiling. Her compassion towards everyone and her thought that she would put into things for others was amazing. When it came time to buy gifts at Christmas she put thought into each one and agonized over choosing something that was thoughtful. She made goodie bags for all the kids in Ava’s classes. She sent out thank you cards and never forgot a birthday. She didn’t do this because she was extremely organized , she did it because she just really cared about everyone and it was so important to her that people cared about her. Thank you, midge, For making me a better man.

A better husband: I wasn’t always the most affectionate or compatible person prior to meeting Kim. I had many relationships that I took for granted, people that I mistreated or cheated on, And did things that were embarrassing in retrospect. When Kim and I started dating I came clean about some things in my past that I wanted her to know about and she was compassionate and made me realize that the things in our past don’t define who we become but it’s how we handle those things that define us. She gave me an opportunity to step up but I didn’t have to earn her respect, I had already had it I just needed to keep it. I never did anything that I know would hurt her. In 10 years in a relationship I think anyone has an opportunity to screw up and make a bad decision that they would never be able to fix but I never did. I knew how special of a woman she was and I could never find it in my heart to hurt her in any way. Thank you monkey for giving me the chance to be better for you.

A better dad:

My parents were the best parents I could have ever asked for. I grew up with my grandparents living upstairs from us and my aunt Uncle living upstairs from them. I whole family was so close and no more than a 10 minute drive away at the furthest. I grew up taking family vacations with cousins, and Just having the best structure. When we had Ava, We are in the time of technology where every item is research, reviewed and can be investigated right on your phone. Times are obviously a lot different now than when I was growing up. Sure, I knew how to raise a kid based off how I remember growing up but it’s not always the same. For instance, when we were going to buy a crib I was looking for a crib where the side railings went down on Springs. Well I didn’t know these have been outlawed! Kim did because she did nothing but Research, investigate, and do everything to care for our little girl’s best interests. If you have a Pinterest, look Kim up. She had all sorts of boards dedicated just for Ava’s education, toys, birthdays etc. When Ava was born Kim insisted we keep her a gluten free because Kim had Celiac and Ava might get it. This meant we had to buy the most expensive formula and baby food etc. I thought she was crazy to be taking such ridiculous precautions. That was until Ava’s 1st dentist appointment. The dentist looked in Ava’s mouth and within 10 seconds turned to us and asked if anyone in our family had a gluten intolerance. She said that Ava’s back molars showed signs of Celiac. It’s one of many examples of how Kim showed me How focused she was on Ava’s care. More important and that she showed me how a parent truly unconditionally loves a child. If you look at pictures of her and her daughter, she is always smiling. Look, I often take Ava too many different places but I am not going to lie, I do not always enjoy certain places or playing w the same toys for the 100 time. Kim DID. She could go to the same park every day and stay there for hours and just smile because she was with her best friend. It’s probably what hurts me the most right now is knowing that there will never be any of those moments to witness again. I weep Every time I think of the 2 of them together because there was so much happiness. Mama bear, Thank you for teaching me how to be a better dad.

This might be one of my most Important posts I’ll ever write. I say this because if you are reading it right now then you can look in the mirror and ask, is there anything she can teach you so that you don’t have regrets once it’s too late. You don’t need to be married, be a parent, or be in a relationship to be a better you. I’m pretty sure everyone reading this will agree and say yeah, maybe I will look into that. Well there is one final lesson that she taught us all. You don’t have tomorrow none of us do. You only have today. What can you do today that can change your tomorrow? Every day I am trying to look at how I handled that day and how I can try to handle it better tomorrow. I try to find ways to be more compassionate, I try to find ways to work on my patience, And instead of just complaining about not having the right answers I am trying to figure out the problem and come up with a solution. Kim continues to teach me even now. I feel like after 43 years of being alive, I am just now starting my spiritual journey to figure out who I am, who do I want to be, And how can I surpass my own expectations. Once Kim was going to start her new job October 28th, I was going to be able to get reduced tuition. She had been on me for years about finishing my bachelor’s degree. Once things settle down I will be doing that for her and for me. I also want to have that example for Ava that you can do anything you want as long as you try.